He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
