The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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