Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
