If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
