She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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