I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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