I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize