Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
