That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
