Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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