And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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