Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
