the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
worst night to have a conscience
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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