if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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