i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
