I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
