umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
