im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
