It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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