The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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