Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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