But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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