the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize