I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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