He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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