i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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