Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
