i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
