I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Be still, my beating vagina.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
