people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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