so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
