My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
