then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I understand Curling. That high.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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