Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
