i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
