Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
