I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is my gift to your gina
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
