Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
