I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
