I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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