You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
420 ftw
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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