If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
