He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
