is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
