she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
