you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
