I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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