why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
