You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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