Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
