Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize