When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
