if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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