Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
