you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
