I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
