so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
