Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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