i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
