What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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