i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
