Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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