We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
