I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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