when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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