you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
