I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
