i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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