there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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