FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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