I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
