I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
