omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
