Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
