What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
