Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
