then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
