First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
